10 posts tagged “non-sequitur”

I have a theory about my fear of commitment.  

I have learned a very valuable lesson this week.
A lot of different bodily fluids can be detected by UV light.
My advice is never bring a black light lamp into your bathroom, not even if you are compulsive about cleaning your bathroom.

This is the time of year when people start making lists of what they're thankful for.  I'm personally not a fan of this practice but rather than badmouth it, I think I have a different take on it. 

Rather than fluffy lists of 'peace and health' I think what I'm thankful for most is my sanity.

My sanity has been in some jeopardy the last couple months so I think I'm going to take this opportunity to reflect on my current sanity. 

So I think I'll start from last Thanksgiving.  I think by that time I was finally ok with my roommate again but no longer friendly with some of my old friends and better friends than ever with some of my best friends.  After new year passed by Tim came into my life and the situation with my roommate demolished again. 

I'm thankful that I never bought a gun because I could have killed her for a while there.

Then everything mellowed out for a while because I decided that some people aren't worth the stress.  Our apartment got a lot more crowded and things got complicated.

I'm thankful that I had buffers from my roommate and her dog when the apartment got crowded.

Then I graduated.  Steve and my family went to the ceremony.  Meanwhile Tim decided to boycott but also figured out how he really felt about me.  I don't know how I feel about all that and that feeling isn't new. I finally got the opportunity to help clear out my apartment a bit and get me away from my roommate.

I'm thankful for having had an apartment to move into with my ferret and get away from most of the evil in my life.

Then I got the dream job and got the opportunity to move to the coolest city in the US.  The move was very tumultuous and getting settled into the job was pretty annoying but it's all worked out great.  Tim moved with me and helped set up the apartment here and all that jazz. 

I'm thankful I was not alone in my move and that I always had someone with me who understood what I was going through and was helping me with everything.

Over the last 2 months everything has gone downhill.  My emotions have been pushed and pulled more than ever before and have just solidified the end of this horrendous year.  But it ends on a very high note because I met someone I really like and who I think likes me just as much.  We are really enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other and he has given me a much more positive new outlook on everything going on around me.

I'm thankful for something new.

I have found that working out is a great way to spend an hour of your day because:

1. It's a great stress reliever.  What better way to relieve the stress of a work day than by beating up an exercise machine or running yourself to exhaustion.
2. It's an anger reduction tool.  You can superimpose the face of whoever it is you want to strangle or punch onto the floor of the treadmill or weights.
3. It gives you energy.  No matter how tired you feel when you're going up the hill or how much you just want to sit down going down hill, when you cool down you're going to have a really useful burst of energy.  Evidenced by this unusually long post, I just came back from the gym. :)
4. It forces you to take a nap which gives you even more energy later on.  For all proponents of mid-day naps, this is a great way to remember to take a nap because you will probably want to afterwards but if you feel like you don't have time for a nap...if you sleep for 20 minutes in the middle of the afternoon (during that really sunny part with all the traffic) you will have so much more energy to go out later on.
5. It makes you release endorphins.  This is the same hormone released during any other strenuous yet pleasurable activity so when you cant *&%$, work out!

       Corollary to 5.   Endorphins make you happy! 

Conclusion:  Working out makes you happy :)

So I'm driving along I-75 today and I see a message written on a dirty semi.  Not "wash me" as you'd expect, this was better: "Save a mouse, eat a pussy"

I have been in my apartment almost a full month and two nights ago I lay down to sleep and realized that I have only slept in one spot on my bed. 

That means that I had never been on the other 3/4 of my bed.  How weird is that?? Some of my friends have slept on more of my bed than I have!

So I decided to move over and over a bit more until I was at the wall... where I promptly passed out because it is a very comfortable bed.  Well, when I woke up it was very disconcerting to have to roll over two times to get off the bed.  

That is my accomplishment for the day!

Sometimes I feel just like Scarlett O'Hara

There are some things in life a girl of a certain age should not be without.  A good book, a beautiful summer dress and a car with A/C.  But most importantly, I think every girl should own a green thong. 

It is a classic thought that women who own black underwear or red underwear 'mean' something by it.  As if by the time a person finds out your underwear color, they don't know what you mean...

Nevertheless, those 'meaningful' colors do have a genuine vive to them and have now become rather commonplace.  In fact, it may be difficult to find a woman who does not possess a pair of black underwear (and maybe even a lacy red pair she keeps for special occasions).  Thus, the sphere of colors available to make a statement with has narrowed.  The reaction to a red or black or even pink underwear (if there is time given for a reaction) is not one of surprise or intrigue but rather information.  There's no mystery left in it, it is just a sign of something to come (quite soon even).   

I propose that the real surprise to an unexpecting observer is a green thong, and yes the thong is a requirement I think.  Since the rest of the colors either mean something very specific or are considered neutral (blue, gray, white), a green thong can speak oodles of meaning. 

I mean you get to that point and you see not pink, not red, not black, not white but GREEN. I mean real green, not some lettuce shade or an unidentifiable blue-green.  A color an irishman would be proud to wear. 

It makes you wonder...

I think wonder is the best state to be in, far better than knowing or wishful.

Non-Sequitur of the Day: Cherries

I have come to the realization that cherries, though they are among the smaller members of the berry family, are one of the tastiest and by far the most remarkable of them all. They are generally red, small, and sweet...or at least I will only discuss the sweet at this time. They have a pit in the middle and unlike most other berries, this pit does not take away from the eating experience but in fact adds to it, in my opinion. It is an unusual pit in that it fills less than a quarter of the volume of the cherry and you cannot miss it, and if you do forget it's there, it's not likely to break a tooth. Another interesting point about this pit is that you can usually remove more than 90% of the fruit off of it. Ergo, a pit which does not detract from the experience...and if you wish, you can plant it.

The point of course of this tirade is that I have recently been introduced to a different breed of cherry which has brought my appreciation for this berry to an ultime high...if you're from the northwest, you probably know what I'm talking about. There exists a variety of cherry called the Ranier cherry which is absolutely AMAZING. It fulfills all cherry requirements and then some. It is sweet, big, red fading to mauve on the outside and the best part is that it is white on the inside. You wouldn't know it from the taste but this cherry is completely colorless on the inside. This gives it one gigantic advantage over standard southern cherries...it does not turn your whole mouth red/purple.

This is absolutely hilarious and I can't get it out of my head.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama
Duck

Llama llama
Cheesecake
Llama
Tablet
Brick
Potato
Llama
Llama llama
Mushroom
Llama
Llama llama
Duck

I was once a treehouse
I lived in a cake
But I never saw the way
The orange slayed the rake
I was only three years dead
But it told a tale
And now listen, little child
To the safety rail

Did you ever see a llama
Kiss a llama
On the llama
Llama's llama
Tastes of llama
Llama llama
Duck

Half a llama
Twice the llama
not a llama
Farmer
Llama
Llama in a car
Alarm a llama
Llama
Duck

Is THIS how it's told now?
Is it all so old?
Is it made of lemon juice?
Doorknob
Ankle
Cold
Now my song is getting thin
I've run out of luck
Time for me to retire now
And become a duck